How I shook Swine Flu (I think)

Let me not speak too soon, but last Friday, I was feeling--how you say--like shit. Achy, shaky, swollen glands and weak. Here's what worked for me.

First, I drank water. Then a lot of hot tea (green in the morning, something herbal at night).

Then I took this:
My friend Vani told me this is from France and the French have the best medicine in the world. She was right, it's the #1 flu medicine of Francs. I told her that Larry Gordon has been trying to make me take this for years, at the first sign of a throat tickle. This time, I spent $15.99 on the stuff because I was really scared I got the swine.

I took 2 doses. After the first, I felt no change. After the second, I felt considerably better.

Then I got sleep, no less than 8.5 hours every night for at least four nights. And finally, I took this echinacea with golden seal for three days, twice a day:

Some things I avoided:
dairy
sugar
Alcohol (in excess)*
Fried food**

*i had to drink two beers on Saturday for the Gator game because I'd made a $25 donation to the all-you-can-drink Gator club, and it was, ahem, all-you-can-drink. Also, Wolison and I made hot apple cider with rum one day.

**except for that basket of free french fries I ate half of, and the fish taco the next day at the Brooklyn Flea, where I saw Martha Stewart in the flesh.

But I digress. Warm liquids, lots of sleep, some oscillo and echinacea with golden seal, and knock on wood one more time, I feel completely fine.